Parenting

Did You Know?

A child causes a person to learn responsibility and to mature quickly. These traits are necessary for the safe keeping of a new born child.
As a parent, your education or career path may not be the same as before you were pregnant. If you plan to continue working or going to school as a parent, there may be options available to help you.
Since 1960, the US Department of Agriculture has compiled data about how much it costs Americans to raise a child from birth to age 18. In 2013, it was determined that it will cost, on average, over $245,000.00.
You may be eligible for assistance through the funds made available by the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) Bureau. Click here to learn more, and/or to apply for TANF Benefits in Kansas.
The Women, Infants and Children (WIC) Program aids families by providing money for food from WIC-authorized vendors, as well as education about nutrition. WIC will help participants, including teenage mothers, find health care and other community services. In addition to a few income guidelines, WIC participants must be pregnant women or new mothers with infants or children under age five. Click here to learn more.
Teenage mothers who are working or going to school are often eligible for child care assistance. Click here to learn more about the childcare subsidy for teen moms in Kansas.

At the age of 16, Natalie gave birth and made the choice to parent her precious son Tyler. In this video, Tyler writes a letter to his mother thanking her for being a loving mother and role model.

Where to Go From Here

Gather Information - You may be facing a pregnancy at a complicated time in your life, and you may be wondering if you are in the right position to parent a child. When you choose to parent, every decision you make will affect both you and the baby. This can feel overwhelming, especially when you were not expecting the pregnancy, so it's important to look at the situation from every angle as you decide if you are ready to parent. It may help to ask yourself the following questions:

Am I in a financial position to raise the child? Along with the costs of raising a child, the thought of prenatal care and hospital trips can be another source of financial stress.
Do I have future goals or aspirations that I want to achieve? An unplanned pregnancy may change the course of your life, and you may have to delay your education or career goals.
Will the father of the child be involved? Some women want their children to have the opportunity to grow up in a two-parent household.
What kind of life do I want for my baby, and can I provide that life? Often, a woman may choose not to parent because she does not have the time or ability to provide the life she dreams of for her child.
Do I want to be a parent? This the most important question you can ask. You may not be prepared for parenthood at the moment, or you may not have planned for it at all. On the other hand, you may want to parent your child regardless of the challenges.

Preparing for Your Pregnancy

There are three things you need to do right now: (1) stay healthy, (2) develop a support system, and (3) learn more about what to expect.

1. Stay Healthy
Because of the physical connection between you and your baby, anything you do to your body will have a 10-fold impact on your baby's health. For this reason, it is important to eat healthy food, take vitamin supplements, and avoid smoking, alcohol and drugs. For example, statistics show that smoking can have the following impact on your baby: smaller birth weight, an increased risk of asthma, twice the likelihood of dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), smaller organs, decreased lung function, more frequent illness, and a greater likelihood of being born prematurely. The way you take care of yourself will be your first test of parenthood; the better you take care of yourself, the better you are taking care of your baby, right from the start.

2. Develop a Support System

You cannot navigate this journey of pregnancy and parenthood all by yourself! Choose wisely and develop a support system that is right for you. The people that you gather around you for support should be people you trust who are accepting, understanding, and they should have the best interests of you and your baby at heart. These individuals can be family members, friends, teachers, women who have experienced pregnancy firsthand, sports team members, religious group members and leaders, the father of your baby, or counselors. Initially, these individuals may feel surprised by your news and slow to respond, but give them time to adjust. By the same token, if they are not supportive, move away from them, and continue to surround yourself with people who can walk with you, and help you through this journey. Additional sources of support may come from:

Catholic Charities
Parents as Teachers
The National Fatherhood Initiative
Generation Her
The National Crittenton Foundation
Cal-SAFE
The Health Teen Network
Pregnant and Parenting Students Access to Education Act (HR 2617)
MVParents

3. Learn About What to Expect

Prenatal Care
Once you know that you are pregnant, it is important to schedule a doctor's visit as soon as possible. During this first visit, the doctor will ask you about your last menstrual cycle, and any pregnancy symptoms you are experiencing. There will be numerous health history questions, as well as questions about your preferences for prenatal care and birth. The doctor will want to make sure you are getting enough folic acid, a synthetic form of vitamin B9 which helps to prevent anemia for you, and birth defects in the baby.

Your pregnancy can be looked at as three trimesters. While every pregnancy is different, there are certain things you can expect to look for during each trimester of your pregnancy.

The First Trimester consists of the first 12 weeks of your pregnancy. During this first trimester, your baby will grow from a cluster of almost invisible cells to a miniature human being measuring about three inches long. You'll have your first scans and tests during the first trimester so that you'll be able to see the growth. Most of your baby's internal organs will have developed by the end of this first trimester, and since the baby's muscles are working, he/she can move around. You won't be able to feel your baby's movements at this stage, but you may start to feel a roller coaster of other emotional and physical changes. Some of the most commonly experienced changes include: abdominal twinges, back aches, bleeding gums, breast tenderness, constipation, cravings, fainting and/or feeling light-headed, increased flatulence, insomnia, frequency of urination, morning sickness, nasal sensitivity, difference in taste, thrush, tiredness, increased vaginal discharge, varicose veins, and visual disturbances. These sorts of changes are normal, but if you experience any unusual abdominal or back pain, contact your doctor immediately.
During the Second Trimester (weeks 13-28), you should start to feel better. Some of the common discomforts may continue, but with less severity. You'll probably experience greater energy, and your pregnancy will begin to show. Your baby's growth will accelerate and you'll begin to feel the first movements between 17 and 21 weeks when, on average, your baby will weigh about two pounds and measure over a foot long. Around week 20 or 21, it will be time for a second scan, more tests and a more complete checkup of all of the baby's vital organs, limbs, amniotic fluid and the position of the placenta. You may get to hear the baby's heart beating, and discover the sex of your baby. The second trimester is a good time to get fitted for a good supportive bra, and invest in maternity clothing.
During the Third Trimester---the final three months of your pregnancy (weeks 29-40), you should start preparing physically and mentally for the delivery of your baby, and assemble the essential supplies and equipment listed below. Remember that not all babies will come on their due date. By weeks 36 to 40, your baby can weigh five pounds or more, and measure almost two feet long. By this time, your baby will be able to hear sounds, and distinguish between light and dark.

Child Birth
As you start to prepare physically and mentally for the delivery of your baby during the last three months of your pregnancy, it is wise to create a birth plan so that you can think calmly through your preferences, and what you would like to see happen. Some things to consider include:

Choice of support person in the delivery room
Where to have the baby
Preferred movement and position during labor
Pain relief options
What you would like to try to avoid (e.g. episiotomy)
Do you want immediate skin-to-skin contact with the baby?
Do you want to breastfeed or bottle feed?

You will experience some early signs of labor when it is time for your baby to arrive. For example, you may experience a dull back ache, short intermittent contractions, sickness, diarrhea, loss of mucous plug, and water breaking. When your water breaks, make a note of the time, and whether it is clear or colored.

Generally, your labor will follow three stages:

During the first stage of labor, your cervix will thin out and dilate (about one centimeter per hour) until it is open wide enough (about 10 cm) for a baby's head to pass through. At this time, you may be given drugs to strengthen contractions and to provide pain relief.
During the second stage of labor you will have to push the baby out. This may take about an hour. If there are complications (e.g. prolapse of the umbilical cord cuts off the baby's oxygen supply, fetal distress, infection, failure of the cervix to dilate, multiple births, small pelvis, etc.), the doctor may choose to perform a caesarean birth. A caesarean birth takes about 45 minutes with your baby being born within the first five minutes, and the remaining time for stitches.
During the third stage of labor, the placenta is delivered.

Postnatal Care
After the birth of your baby, it is time to take care of yourself and the baby. While in the hospital, you'll be encouraged to hold and feed your baby. If you choose to breastfeed, you'll be shown how to latch your baby on successfully and how to break suction safely. You'll also be shown how to bathe, dress and change your baby's diaper.

It is also important to take care of yourself. From the beginning, you'll need time to rest and a good support system. You will also need to eat healthy and drink plenty of water, especially if you are breastfeeding. Make sure you have maxi pads and breast pads on hand, and a good washing machine!

Bonding

Bonding, the attachment that makes you want to shower your baby with affection, or get up and feed your baby in the middle of the night, is essential for your baby. Developing this bond is a process: for some parents, the attachment is immediate; for others, the bonding process takes a little more time.

Some of the ways that you can facilitate this bond include:

Touching: cradle, rock and stroke your baby; Very gently massage your baby
Eye-to-eye contact
Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding your baby
Moving objects that your baby can follow with his or her eyes
Facial expressions and gestures that your baby can try to imitate
Listening to your vocalizations, conversations, and your descriptions of their activities and environment

Bonding will be much easier if you aren't exhausted all of the time from your other responsibilities, such as housework, meals and laundry. It is okay to ask family members and friends to help in the days and weeks after you come home.

There are a variety of factors that may cause the bonding process to take a little bit longer:

Your baby looks a little bit different than what you were expecting
Hormones
Postpartum depression (see below)
You are exhausted and in pain after a prolonged and difficult delivery
Your baby spends time in intensive care

There is no magic formula for bonding, and it cannot be forced. If you don't feel that you are bonding with your baby by the time you take your baby to his/her first office visit with your baby's doctor, discuss your concerns at that appointment. Your doctor will be accustomed to bonding issues, and may be able to help you with the bonding process.

Provide for your baby's safety and material needs - Before your baby arrives, it is important that your home is safe and supplied with all of the material items your baby will need. You don't need to purchase everything right away, especially if your funds are low. At bare minimum, you'll need a place for your baby to sleep, a car seat, bedding, diapers, baby wipes, rash ointment, a stroller, feeding equipment if you are not breastfeeding, and clothes. If it is helpful, here is a more complete list of some of the things you'll need to have on hand for the early days with your newborn:

Clothing

8 undershirts or onesies (mix of short-sleeve and long-sleeve)
5 nightgowns (for use until the cord falls off)
8 one-piece stretchy sleepers (go for ones with zippers; new moms swear by them!)
5 pairs of pants
2 newborn hats
8 pairs of socks or booties, to wear with nightgowns and outfits
2 pairs of scratch mittens, to keep baby from scratching his face
2 cardigans or jackets, more in winter
Bunting bag or snowsuit for winter baby
Laundry detergent for infants
4 outfits for dressing up (optional)

Bedtime
If you are using a crib, be sure to take note of these new crib standard guidelines. You'll need:

Approved crib and crib mattress
3 waterproof mattress covers
4 fitted cribsheets
4 light blankets that fit in the crib
Sleep sack

Bathtime

1 plastic infant tub or take baby in the bath with you
12 washcloths, not used on baby's bottom
Baby soap or cleanser
Baby soft-bristled hair brush
3 soft-hooded towels

Feeding
If you're breastfeeding, you may find some of these items helpful:

Bibs
Burp cloths
Breast pump
Milk storage containers
Nursing pillow
Nursing bras (if buying before baby is born, buy one cup size larger than your pregnant bra size)
Breast pads (disposable or washable)
Lotion for sore nipples

If you are formula feeding, you'll need:

Bibs
Burp cloths
8 four-ounce bottles with nipples
6 eight-ounce bottles with nipples
Bottle and nipple brush
Formula (be sure to check expiration date and note the lot number in case of recalls)
Thermal bottle carrier

Blankets

3 large cotton blankets
8 receiving blankets (they also make handy burp cloths)

Other necessities include:

Approved infant safety seat for car
Stroller that reclines so newborn can lie flat
Nail clippers or scissors
Nasal aspirator or bulb syringe for suctioning mucous
Baby thermometer
Eye dropper or medicine spoon
Medication in case of fever

Diapering
For re-usable cloth diapers, you'll need:

Several dozen (4 or 5) cloth or re-usable diapers
8 waterproof covers
1 diaper pail
Changing pad
Diaper rash cream to prevent rash
Snaps, Velcro or safety pins to secure re-usable diapers
Disposable wipes or a couple dozen washcloths for cleaning baby's bottom

For disposable diapers, you'll need:

Two boxes of newborn-size diapers (it's better not to buy too many in advance in case your baby is large or grows quickly)
1 diaper pail
Changing pad
Diaper rash cream to prevent rash
Disposable wipes or a couple dozen washcloths for cleaning baby's bottom

Nice-to-have items

Change table (or just use change pad on top of dresser or bed)
Rocking chair for feeding and swaddling
Playpen
Sling or baby carrier
Diaper bag
1 or 2 change pads
Plastic hangers for closet
Sun shade for car windows
2 or 4 pacifiers (if you choose to use these)
Rattles and other baby toys
Night light

Safe Sleeping Guidelines

The ABC's of Safe Sleep: babies are safest when they are Alone, on their Back, and in a Crib. For additional Safe-Sleep Tips for Parents and Childcare Providers, click here.

The Period of PURPLE Crying

Most infants go through a period of more or less inconsolable crying that begins at about 2 weeks of age and continues until about 3-4 months of age. This period is often referred to as the period of PURPLE crying, not because your baby is turning purple from crying, but because the acronym 'PURPLE' captures and can help to remind you of the key characteristics of this period:
PEAK of CRYING: Your baby may cry more and more each week, especially in month two, and less in months three through five.
UNEXPECTED: Crying comes and goes for no apparent reason.
RESISTS SOOTHING: Nothing, not even your normally effective methods of soothing may help.
PAINFUL EXPRESSION: Your baby may look like he or she is in pain, even when they are not.
LONG LASTING: Crying can last as long as five hours or more.
EVENING: Crying may occur more in late afternoon or evening.

Shaken Baby Syndrome

It is normal to feel frustrated and angry when your baby cries inconsolably for hours on end. If you feel like you are getting to a point of hurting your baby, place him or her in a safe place and call the CHILD HELP HOTLINE at 1-800-4-a-child, or call someone to come over and watch the baby so that you can take a break. The most important thing to remember is to NEVER ever shake your baby! Shaken Baby Syndrome--permanent and debilitating brain damage--can occur after just one shake of your baby when you've had too much and you've lost your cool. When you are starting to feel frustrated, put your baby down and call for help.

Circumcision

At birth, boys have a skin covering the end of their penis called the foreskin. For religious, social, or cultural reasons, or for medical benefits, parents may choose to have the foreskin removed in a process called circumcision. Since circumcision may be more risky if done later in life, parents should decide if they want it done before, or soon after their son's birth. Since circumcision is not essential for your baby's health, you should choose what is best for your child by looking at the benefits, risks and procedures, as explained in the videos below.

Postpartum Depression (PPD)

More than 3 million women develop postpartum depression each year. It’s the type of depression you may get after you have a baby. It can start any time during your baby’s first year, but it’s most common for you to start to feel its effects during the first 3 weeks after birth.

Postpartum Depression may be caused by many things including the quick changes in your hormone levels, a history of depression, stress, and problems with drugs or alcohol.

Symptoms include:

Sadness, loss of hope, despair
Feeling unable to care for your baby or do basic chores
Crying a lot, sometimes for no real reason
Trouble feeling close to your baby, or "bonding"
Less interest in food, sex, self-care and other things you used to enjoy
Too much sleep
Trouble with focus, learning, or memory

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms and you think you may have postpartum depression, make an appointment to see your doctor right away; there are treatments that will help you feel like yourself again. It may also be helpful to schedule an appointment with a counselor to sort through stressful thoughts, feelings and events. Finally, there are many things you can do to help yourself as you work through your treatment. Exercise daily. Include fun things in your day. Set simple goals that you can meet. Relax, and surround yourself with people who care.

In some cases, the symptoms may become more severe and develop into Postpartum Psychosis. Symptoms of postpartum psychosis include:

You can't sleep
You're confused. You can't think clearly
You have hallucinations or delusions; you sense or believe things that aren't real
You have obsessive and fearful thoughts about your baby
You're paranoid and deeply suspicious of other people, and no one can talk you out of it
You refuse to eat
You have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency, and you should get help as soon as you can, but your doctor can help you get better.